Mum Says No, Dad Says Yes: How to Parent as a Team
When you parent as a team, everyone wins. But it’s something all parents struggle with and that’s because we’re all different. You’re not a clone of your child’s Dad: you don’t know exactly what he’s thinking, nor have his past life experiences. Neither does he have that same knowledge about you.
Your child knows this and has already decided that the fact you are not identical copies of each other is a weakness. In fact, it’s such a great weakness that they are going to use it to get exactly what they want.
If you both don’t read from the same page, that’s when all hell breaks loose:
Child asks Mum if she can sleep in the lounge tonight.
Mum says no.
Child goes to Dad and asks to sleep in the lounge.
Dad says yes.
Child thinks she’s outsmarted both of you, then is stuck in the middle of a huge fight.
To avoid this from happening, many Dads will respond instead with an ‘ask your mother.’ While this works sometimes, Mum doesn’t always want to be the baddie and say no, so has probably first responded to the child’s question with, ‘ask your father’.
Our little Squoodle bugs know this, and they’ve all been very strategic in their attack of our so-called weakness. That’s led us both to identify the things we can do to better parent as a team, and I’m here to share these gems with you.
How to Successfully Parent as a Team
Showing unity is key when it comes to parenting as a team. You both remain on the same page, give the same answers and expect the same behaviours. It’s this unity which kids just can’t beat and what makes your parenting team a success. Here’s how to achieve it:
- Communication – you need to talk with each other all the time and about everything. Okay, so this isn’t practically possible, but what you can do is wait to make decisions until you’ve talked with each other, learn each other’s feelings about different situations and respect each other’s differences.
- Back each other up – if the kids can divide and conquer you both, they will. Stand firm in your decisions and back those of the other parent up.
- Define your parenting – if you could both have a few words which described the type of parenting style you wish to project, what would they be? These words can help you consider your response during those challenging parenting moments.
- Agree to disagree – when you parent as a team, you’re never going to agree with each other 100% of the time. It’s okay to disagree with each other but plan ahead what you will do when this does occur. This shows your children that you still work as a team regardless of what’s happening.
Another great way to develop your parenting team is taking time away from your kids. Date night is a good example, but if you can’t manage that regularly, there’s always grown up fun in bed (and yes, you can: read our article Is There Sex After Kids? to learn our tips on how this mystical activity does exist in a parent’s life).
